In Memoriam

On the fourth anniversary of Ariana's death, I wanted to share with you the candle-lighting ceremony our pastor performed for us on the first anniversary of her passing:

A Candle Lighting Memorial for Ariana Reynolds

May 31, 2012

Merciful God, with the words of the psalmist we say to you, ‘Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me?’ (Psalm 42:11)

Our pain is still deep and our loss is still great for Ariana. And that is why we pray. And that is why we are here. The valley of death is dark and deep.

But we also pray with the poet of the lament, saying, ‘But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." (Lamentations 3:21-24)

And so, O Lord, in our journey through grief, be our hope and our strength, for we pray this in the name of your Son, Jesus, who conquered death and promises life eternal. Amen.

Friends, I want to light four candles in remembrance of Ariana. We know that a significant change has happened in our lives because of her death. She was so special to us and now she is no longer here. We wish Ariana could come back. We feel an empty place in our hearts and lives that was once filled with her presence.

Now we grieve all that had been-all that used to be with her-and all that we did not want to end. The hard reality that Ariana will never share another holiday or special day with us again is painful to admit. We grieve with the prayer that God will give us the strength to bear this burden. We know in doing this that God will slowly heal us. But we will never forget Ariana or how she made our lives so full, and how she contributed to who we have become because of her. Because of this, these four candles honor Ariana.

We light one candle for our love for Ariana, another for our memories of holidays or special days in our past, another for our grief in the present, and one candle for our hope for the future.

As we light the first candle, we are reminded of how much we love Ariana. We remember the love we shared together. She was God’s gift to us, and she has a treasured place in our hearts and minds. She gave us joy and laughter and love. We thank you, Lord, for Ariana, for sharing her life with us…

We light the second candle to remind us of the holidays and special days we shared together, the traditions we created and the things Ariana did in her brief life to make special days even more special. God gave us his greatest gift in his Son, Jesus Christ. And he gave us Ariana. We are thankful for the gift she brought to our lives. Together we created holidays and special days that had meaning in them. Now that they are gone, our traditions will never quite be the same. There will be an empty chair at our table and around our family circle because Ariana is no longer with us. We need to say good-bye to the possibility of things being the same, and we realize that with the death of Ariana, our lives will be different. We thank you, Lord, for giving us wonderful memories of meaningful holiday and special day celebrations with Ariana …

We light the third candle, representing the grief we now have as we think of living the rest of our lives without Ariana. We treasure the special memories, but we understand that we no longer have a relationship with Ariana beyond those memories. She has left this world, and we are left in this world without her. We pray, O Lord, that you will help us to realize that we are complete in and of ourselves. Ariana is in a better place. May God give us the courage to keep working through our grief so that we can face our sorrow and move through the pain to the other side of grief…

We light the fourth and last candle to declare our hope for the future. We know as Christians we have hope. We can grieve differently from others who have no hope, because we have Christ in our hearts, the one who has conquered death and the grave. Our hope is in God, who holds each of us in his tender care. He will walk with us through our pain, and he will eventually change our mourning to joy. There will be a new beginning, the start of a new chapter in our life story. We have loved deeply. With God’s help, we will be ready to begin to live again…

For you, our beloved Ariana, who graced our lives for a time, for our hope for our lives ahead of us, trusting in the power of God to strengthen us, we light these four candles in honor of you, Ariana, with hope eternal.

Prayers of peace to all of my dear family and friends, those who knew and loved Ariana while she was with us, and to those who came to love her after her death.