One month

In many ways, the death of Ariana has been a gross parody of her birth - so many "first"s to go through, so many landmarks to hit.  How excited we were when she was a month old!  Today, she's been in Heaven for a month.  I am trying to imagine, with my limited mind, all of the wonderful things she has gotten to experience that we can't even comprehend.  I'm even a bit envious as I think of her cuddling up in Jesus' lap, reading stories with all of her great-grandmothers, playing with all the other little children who have been gathered up before and since.  I'd like to think that she looks down from time to time to check in on us, but maybe it's just like a blink of an eye to her before we get there.  I don't know.  My theology is not the greatest.  My understanding of Heaven is not the greatest.  I just believe that someday, I will get to go there, and it will be the greatest gift I've ever been given.

Ariana never got to celebrate the Fourth of July.  She was still in my belly (and we were uncomfortably sweltering last Fourth...)  I'd imagine she'd love having little nibbles of homemade ice cream at the lake, and watching the "pretty lights" (which is what T used to call fireworks).  I think she'd be sitting in her walker at the campfire with us, noshing on some graham crackers while the rest of us cracked cold beer and sodas and watched night settle on the lake.  It's comforting that she did get to have her first bonfire at the lake the weekend before her death, because it makes it easier to envision her with us now.  At the same time, I don't want to dissolve my life into "what would have been" because I think that would become too consuming.  It's enough to know that in her short little life, she tasted so many different things, and that now in her eternal life, she is experiencing the full run of real life.

This weekend we plan to go to the lake, as usual.  I am hoping to share memories of my little girl (as always), play with my boys, make a million new memories of family and friends.  We also have a picnic with my mom's side of the family, and I'm looking very forward to that.

Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday weekend.  I'm planning to catch 642 fish.